Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
