I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
