Nicole vs. Life
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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