what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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