i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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