And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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