Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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