no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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