I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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