On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
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How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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