$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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