Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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