Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
