Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
