Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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