you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
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I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
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I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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