rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
