Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
