bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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