You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
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She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
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Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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