Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
