everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The adults are the big ones right?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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