His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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