His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
