I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
