At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
