i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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