if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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