I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
