it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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