I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I cannot find my penis.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
