I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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