do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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