here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
PANTIES FOUND
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
