my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
