I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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