im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
