it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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