We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
