dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
