It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
