my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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