She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
