ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
