This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i think i have herpe
just one?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
