Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
