It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
