I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize