my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The ass gains better be worth it
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