she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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