If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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