My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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