The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
