Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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