I accidentally had phone sex last night
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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