I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
