i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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