Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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