What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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