He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We are two peas in an std pod
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Randomize
