ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
