either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
