she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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