people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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