I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
