Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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