I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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