i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
