So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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