your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
