strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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