ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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