i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
