I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
