I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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