let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
