Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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