Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
there is puke in my bra ... again
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
