Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
