i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
